


Once I was an ocean. Once I was the sky.

by Kirschli_Kuchen



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: (b/c i'm trash that way), (subsequent misgendering I'm sorry), M/M, Minor Character Death, Second POV, Suicide Attempt, Surreal, Vague Shit, Vomiting, general sadness, idk - Freeform, pre-coming out trans Kairi anyone?, probably fits the bill too, vague angsting?, yup that's my tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-11 23:45:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2087565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirschli_Kuchen/pseuds/Kirschli_Kuchen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>four times where it wasn't.</p><p>"Board games are a drag to play alone so you think up a deck of cards and play a round of solitaire. Then another and another after that. After a while they blend together and your mind starts to drift. </p><p>It goes to the world with the gray skies and the hole-in-the-wall of happiness you made only for yourself, building it slowly and with care like the softest of blanket forts. "</p>
            </blockquote>





	Once I was an ocean. Once I was the sky.

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first thing i've written in ages so try to be kind (god knows i'm not)
> 
> also for #2 RL warning! don't induce vomiting if someone's swallowed pills DON'T DO IT

**1.**

When you first see him the sky is blue and you are in love.

Well not with him mind. You're in love with your best friend who is decidedly not him, never him (except for the times he is).

It goes a little something like this: you and your BFF (and don't you dare forget that) are planning a road trip when he asks if it's okay to bring a +1. You like the sodden fool you are agree even if you're a bit disappointed that it won't be just you two.

His plus one turns out to be his cousin who's kind of already hitch hiking cross country and Kairi's parents wouldn't shut up about how unsafe it was for someone to travel in that fashion, so they got the obnoxious task of looking after him.

The first time you see him you notice that their family resemblance starts and ends somewhere around their mouth and cheekbones. Where Kairi's got handsome auburn hair he's got hair dyed the color of bleached apples and carrots that have been out too long in the sun. And that's only where the differences start.

To put it plainly he's a back talking sarcastic little shit, but Kairi likes him (after all he likes you too), a lot, so you heel and make an effort to be nice to him.

He tells you that he's gonna meet with a long distance friend (something with an I or an S you didn't really listen) somewhere about two or so days down your trip and that he'll get off of your case then.

You can hardly wait.

 

 

**2.**

The second of your first meetings is when the sky is red like candy and you are minutes away from dying.

Well not in the kind of dramatic “slowly bleeding out on the ground” kind of way. You're dieing in the “if only we'd pumped his stomach out a minute earlier” kind of way.

He's the one that finds you and tries to keep you awake while he calls the hospital. You're feeling really loopy and reach for the cotton candy littering the sky and ask what flavor his hair is (he says pineapple and it's the funniest thing you'd ever heard – because strawberry, but pineapple). He asks you when you popped the pills and you're laughing. You're not laughing anymore when he pushes his fingers down your throat or when your throat gives out nothing but the water you used to wash the bitter taste out of your mouth (smaller bits get absorbed faster – oh you _know_ ).

You know he sees it coming but that fucker never knew when to quit now did he? As soon as your eyes start to droop dangerously he slaps your cheek, as soon as your breathing slows he punches your stomach.

He says he hears the sirens coming but it's too late now.

 

 

**3.**

On your third beginning the sky is a nearly acidic green and your heart has just been scattered.

Well not in the conventional “heartbreak from love” way, or even in the “the darkness stole your heart” way.

Your whole world just crumbled because you signed the get go to kill your only friend.

Let's start at the beginning of the story now. When you were twelve years old your (then alive) parents made you a gift. A small pit bull terrier you'd vowed to always take care of – of course you could do that mommy, you were a big boy now.

Years went by. Your parents died (one in a burning house, the other from a disease). Life went on.

Two weeks before now find your pup with chronic pains in his legs, rendering him unable to stand up let alone walk. Worried you take him to a vet.

Turns out the chronic pains were precursors of a very serious, very untreatable affliction. Putting him down was the only humane action to take.

Now you'd just signed the papers finalizing his death sentence, and held him close to you as it was executed.

Your heart is in splinters, you feel like a ghost.

You don't smile at the red haired secretary as you leave.

 

 

**4.**

At your last first encounter the sky is an open void and you are too.

Well that sounds fatalistic and really there is not enough left of you to be fatalistic anymore. Or to be classified as a “being” anymore. You know how it goes. (You know that all these are lies.)

He finds you on one of the rooftops of the box buildings, bathed in sickly neon light, dark circles under your eyes.

He says that it isn't too late yet, that if you hid inside the tunnels you could still escape.

Your smile is tired and worn. You explain to him that the last time you went into hiding the drainage began, the last time you hid you lost everyone the colors.

He throws you a _look_ for a second then lets himself fall down beside you. He tells you that maybe if you're together it won't be so bad, and hey, maybe they'll even get their precious color back if he gets more than he bargained for.

You look at him, really _look_ this time because this could very well be the last living person you'll ever get to see and you want to commit every detail about him to your memory.

You wonder what color his eyes would have been.

And then, white.

 

 

**0.**

It takes some time but you claw yourself back again. It's a lot like rebirth only that it's not, really. You know somewhere inside of yourself that this is more like a waiting room.

Board games are a drag to play alone so you will up a card deck and play a round of solitaire. Then another and another after that. After a while they blend together and your mind starts to drift.

It goes to the world with the gray skies and the hole-in-the-wall of happiness you made only for yourself, building it slowly and with care like the softest of blanket forts.

It goes to the dirty brown skies and the acres of savanna stretching out beneath you as you throw yourself with abandon into the hunt, and the dozens of small yellow birds you'd kill.

You wonder when the blond boy will finally notice that you were made for him. Fucking tailored right to his every need.

You wonder why misfortune seems to follow you (or to be more exact him) everywhere you go.

You hope his next form will be kind.

You hope his next form will love you back.

(You know that lies are your friends.)


End file.
